Grape-Nuts

Just as I had decided to blog about these hot graffiti paint open toe pumps the behemoth of all shoes appeared on the next screen. Not sure whether to love them or hate them, I was definitely intrigued enough to want to try them on. The sole review on Zappos isn't enough, so I imagine they're like placing your feet into giant hollowed-out grape Now and Later candies. Sure to turn heads, the scented, yes scented Cesare Paciotti Jelly Plateau 30000 (i kid you not) is made for attention seekers, rubber fetishists, foot binders, and the Mariah Carey in us all. ($229)

Attempted Bootie Jacking

"What!?! We wear the same size... I oughtta jack you for your shoes!" Yes, those were the shocking, but actual words I uttered the other evening. Whilst chatting up the list-bearer at the club door, I couldn't help but notice that she was wearing what should have been my silver Chanel lambskin open-toe booties on wedge. So shiny and dazzling, like a fish hook dangling in the ocean—could be dangerous, could be delicious. Thankfully she thought I was joking. Nearly sold out in the city (yes, I called each location), these lovelies shall remain forever out of reach. Remember that episode of Sex in the City when Carrie was robbed of her Manolo's? I can now properly understand the motivation. Lesson No.1, never tell 'em your shoe size. ($N/A)

Le Sexy?

After a careful inventory of my closet, I have come to the conclusion that all of my shoes are less than sexy. Cute, yes. Sassy, most assuredly. But sexy... hell to the naw! Will a pair of iridescent pearl gladiator stilettos from Jimmy Choo do the trick? Let's strap in and find out. ($750)

Flat Foot

Kitten heels? Yes. But flats? They are not found in my closet, most likely because I have yet to meet these purple patent leather flats in person. The double ankle straps and the Kool-Aid color is where the charm lies; add vivre to a black ensemble or mix it up with other brilliantly colored pieces and accessories. ($60)

The Whys and Why Nots

Many women may look at a completely ridiculous piece of footwear such as this white open-toe leather ninja boot and question the wisdom of the Fashion Gods. While a tiny contingent of fashionable femmes already own atleast three outfits to match the Italian leather knee boots brilliantly. She knows these boots are handcrafted by skilled artisens; the superior construction coupled with proper care equals long-term enjoyment. Perfect for jaunts to Cannes, walks along the boardwalk, fencing, and ninja-assassin work. ($750)

Baby Got ...

Oh... my... god. Becky, look at this shoe! It's just so... amazing! The maestro, Christian Louboutin, has truly outdone himself with this exquisite Champagne-colored paillettes covered pump. Aptly named the Decollette, this lovely foot wrapping is sure to reveal an expanse of toe cleavage. Your foot-fetish lover may go into cardiac arrest from the mere sight of them on your pedicured tootsies. ($925)

Slopes To The Streets

Unimpressed by the original snowjogger design, I dismissed the marriage between sneaker and snowboot as offensive to my sensibilities. What a pleasant surprise to find that an updated snowjogger 2.0 is now available. Improving on the shortcomings of its predecessor by: swapping out nylon for shiny patent leather, adding an extra thick tread for better grip in the snow, and snazzed-up suede detailing on the heel and vamp. Dontcha love that fresh 1990s shiny-suit vibe? ($100)

Bananarama

She's got it, yeah baby she's got it! Only the strong and steady need apply to wear this stunning platform pump from L.A.M.B. Tower 4" above your natural atmosphere in two-tone contrast yellow and tan stilettos. I especially love how the rounded patent leather cap toe slopes upward for a chic bubble effect. ($295)

Sneaker Primp

After a long affair with several pair of shell top Adidas, black Converse ruled my basic summer sneaker wardrobe. Now it's time to upgrade to a proper pair of old-school imported trainers with a logo I can agree with. Finland's Karhu Originals Champions fit the bill, great with a white tennis skirt or shorts and a tank. (€115/$170)

Pretty in Pink

My search for Victorian style boots led me to luxury lingerie purveyor Gentry de Paris, who has gone a step beyond the usual and created foot lingerie. The most intimate of intimates for your feet in the form of satin corset boots. Lined in Italian leather and handstitched by skilled craftsmen in the most romantic shade of pale pink. Details like ribbon laces make these the perfect winter wedding boots. (€375/$558)

Boot Camp

Dr. Martens shoes and boots were all the rage when I was in high school. Today the good doctor's wares are a bit more stylish than the clunky men's-wear inspired shoes of yore. One of their best examples is this glossy red boot with the signature rubber sole and a 2" leather-covered heel. Both sturdy and versatile, the sweetly feminine details like tassel zipper pulls and thin straps with snaps at the top and middle of the shaft make for a fantastic all-around boot. ($150)

Old Friend

Don't say ugg, cause these sheepskin slippers will become your old friend quicker than you can say Golden Girls. Sure, they're grannylicious, but they'll keep your toes toasty and dry. Plus, handy rubber soles with outdoor tread make these perfect for hauling out the recycling on garbage day. ($46)

Annie Get Your Gun

Mosey along the frozen paths to work in this stylish take on Western meets equestrian leather and brass boots. The best of both worlds, a classic buckle and front guard harkens the English hunt while the sensible 2.5" cone-heels and pull-tabs scream Western chic. Pair with a long flowy skirt and a gypsy top a la Stevie Knicks or simply tuck in jeans and pull on an oversized cashmere sweater and delicate gold accessories. ($468)

Velvety Smooth

Looking for red carpet-worthy shoes? Look no further than these velvet and gold leather sandals from Roberto Cavalli. Not be seen in H&M stores, it's this type of glamour and detail Mr. Cavalli has in fine department stores like Bergdorf's and Printemps. A classic shape with contemporary details, the design fits well with vintage clothing from any of the past hundred years. Make these your special occasion shoes. ($850)

Happy Camper

Straight out of a futuristic cult film, the Camper high boot in dark grey canvas and black perforated leather trim is the stuff of ordinary superheroes. The rubber sole allows for ease of movement and the leather ankle-tie embellishment adds that touch of femininity. For the Sporty Spice meets Amelia Earhart look, the casual utilitarian boot is best paired with tucked in black jeans, an aviator jacket and sunglasses, frilly lace blouse, a puma gym bag, and delicate gold jewelry for contrast. ($220)

Tell Me About It, Stud

I got chills when I first peeped this super-hot studded platform sandal. Burberry has really stepped up their accessories game, I couldn't decide between blogging about these shoes, the quilted gauntlet gloves, or the patent leather zip opera gloves. The ultimate power shoe won; it goes perfectly with an 80s Gianni Versace bondage dress. A convenient back zip closure ensures that you can slip in and out of these gorgeous sandals with ease. Lovey! ($940)

Purple Majesties

Giambattista Valli has created a masterpiece in the form of a fanciful purple suede peep-toe slingback. Pilgrim chic at it's most conceptual yet, the square buckle has been replaced with something resembling a restrained platypus bill. Made in Italy of course, the very un-pilgrimish 5" stiletto heel is complemented by a covered platform. Wear your royal purple court shoes to the winter ball with a velvet smoking jacket, slinky silk gown, and wide wale fishnets. ($685)

Follies and Lollies

Unless they're never worn and still in the box, vintage shoes are invisible on my footwear radar. Toe jam? No ma'am. Retro-styled shoes like these black banana heel pumps truly make my day. Italian handcrafted of premium leathers with a unique wishbone strap and curved 40s style heel; the shoe puts me in the mind of Sugar Hill and the Harlem Renaissance. A guaranteed special addition to any jazzy dame's collection, the covered platform give shorties that extra 3.5" many of us crave. Too bad they only come in black, otherwise I would want them in raspberry, gold, and cognac! ($214)

Bootie Call

The menswear inspired bootie has returned this season and behold the standout amongst the thicket of contenders. A decidedly feminine shoe by the Solea label with all the trimmings of a man's oxford shoe; rounded captoe, laces, and wing tips. The stacked wooden heel and cutout detail on the vamp make this soft leather brogue bootie the best of the best. Adding perforated yellow leather accents could have been a disaster, but it works well. So Work It! (£120/$245)

Clog Show

Sweden's footwear staple, the wooden clog, has been resurrected from obscurity and transformed into a hip 11" water repellant clog boot. Handcrafted by skilled artisens in the USA, the non-skid bendable heel is based on a traditional Swedish design and the shaft is lined with sheared sheepskin. Brilliant with tucked in jeans and layered tees or go all English countryside and match to tweed skirt and frilly sleeveless secretary blouse. ($289)